Anna Griffin Tweet Mash-up

by Steve, February 2nd, 2012

A collection of Anna Griffin’s tweets, compiled and mashed up by Fred Leonhardt. (Anna Griffin is on leave from The Oregonian, but will once again grace its pages with her substantive musings soon).

Tomorrow’s column

    Tomorrow’s column
    is decidedly mediocre
    and touchy feely.
    I apologize
    and promise that Saturday’s column
    will be
    snarktastic and meaty.

Thursdays

    Is it time for Project Runway?
    Is it time for Project Runway?
    Hell, is it time for Jim and Pam to get married?
    I love Thursdays …

Life is Weird

    Life is weird:
    Working in a coffee shop,
    sitting right next to a guy who is reading my column
    and oblivious to my presence.

Starbucks

    On the blissful Monday agenda:
    homelessness
    unemployment
    prostitution
    campaign finance reform,
    sore throats
    nasty headaches and
    snot galore.
    Anybody got any happy news for me?
    I am thankful for coffee
    There is no amount of bad morning that a maple bar and coffee cannot fix.

My Basic Philosophy

    My basic philosophy:
    If they have a maple bar,
    you buy it.
    Not hungry?
    Watching your weight?
    Doesn’t matter.
    A maple bar trumps all.

Bag, Dang It

    A co-worker just referred
    to my cute little bag
    as a purse.
    I am 99% certain
    I never have carried a purse.
    It’s a cute little bag,
    dang it.

Ode to George Clooney

    I dreamed I was pregnant last night
    It’s been a long time since I was this happy to wake up.
    Dear George Clooney:
    Next time you appear in my dreams, could you ditch
    the horn,
    tail
    and weird lizard tongue?
    Actually, keep the tongue.

Badass

    When the badass black boots
    in my giant size
    are marked down from $110 to $60,
    I’m meant to buy them, right?
    Isn’t that a sign
    from above?
    Tom McCall,
    any way your ghost might come show us the way?

B.J.

    Headed to a kiddie bday party featuring
    B.J. the Clown.
    I just bought real pork sausage
    Now I feel naughty.
    Neil Goldschmidt, could you lend someone your vision,
    if not your morals?
    And yes,
    Iím 13.