Obama and the Leafs
by Steve, March 2nd, 2009From the Left Coast Sports Babe, with a tip of the hat to Greg Drinnan’s Kamloops, B.C. based Taking Notes:
Barack Obama took his first foreign trip to Canada this past week. He said in a speech there that he expected to fix the U.S. economy, bring the troops home from Iraq, and solve global warming. Realistically, however, he said there was nothing he could do about the Maple Leafs.
So you want to be a barista
by Steve, November 21st, 2008Maybe it’s the economy. Or maybe it’s just the way evil do-gooders do business. But have you ever seen a five-page application (PDF) to work in a coffee shop?
Besides the usual work history and contact information, they want you to write a short essay about why you want to work at Ladybug Organic Coffee Company. They also give you a cutesy “pop quiz” with the following questions:
- Please tell us about a time that you provided excellent customer service. (Well, there was that one time at Mickey D’s…)
- What one thing makes you absolutely stand out above the rest? Why should we hire you over applicant X? (Because I wasted an hour of my life answering these ridiculous questions?)
Okay, no big deal so far, but then it starts getting good:
- What is the most important thing that you have ever learned and how has it changed your life? (Well, there was that time I stayed up all night drinking Mountain Dew driving a school bus to a Grateful Dead concert, then took a Xanax to get a couple hours of sleep before waking up and dropping acid for the show. I learned to never, ever, sleep under the school bus after the show, because some drunk deadhead might come and pee on your leg. Man, what a show, though. Jerry changed my life that night.)
- What are your greatest strengths, the things about yourself that cause you greatest pride? (Ah, pride, that deadly sin that employers always want us to indulge in. Well, I’m pretty proud of my gluttony and sloth! And I’m pretty good with lust, too.)
- What are your greatest weaknesses, the things about yourself that you could benefit the most from working to improve? (It’s okay to have weaknesses! Unless of course, you’re Superman or Wonder Woman!) (Dude! Speaking of lust! Wonder Woman! Wonder Woman! All the world’s waiting for you, and the power you possess! In your satin tights, fighting for your rights and the old red white and blue! Wonder Woman! Wonder Woman!)
- Tell us about your best friend and why they are a part of your life? (Would that be my best real or imaginary friend?)
- What is something that you do on a regular basis to make the world a better place? (I believe… Just by waking up every day, and walking lightly on Mother Earth, and smiling at strangers, I make the world a better place.)
- What is one thing that you think would make Portland a better city? (Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I got this one: More coffee shops?!?)
Then there’s a whole series of yes/no questions:
- I can usually work weekends. No.
- I get along well with many different types of people. Yes, as long as they’re cool.
- I am always upbeat and positive Always? Uh, well, no, I guess not. I mean, I’m mostly always upbeat, just not always.
- I can work during most holidays. No.
- I enjoy working evenings. No. I mean, wait, that means I can sleep in, right? Yes.
- I am a problem solver. Depends. What kind of problem?
- I enjoy getting up early. I prefer staying up until it is early. Is that a problem?
- I like to work by myself. Absolutely! Then I can smoke out in the cooler.
- I pay attention to details. When I come out of the cooler, all the details are so, like, intense, man!
- I am a good listener. I’ve listened to every bootleg of the Dead at least six times
- I like to clean. Who doesn’t? Whenever I’m out of weed, I clean my roommate’s bong and get a couple good hits out of it.
- I am a quick learner. What was the question again?
- I can multi-task. I can kick a hacky sack while reciting the set lists from the Dead’s last six shows at the Greek Theater in Berkeley.
- I am self-motivated. Everything’s cool, man. Stuff will get done.
And finally: “Last question. What one word describes you best and why did you choose that word?”
I’d have to say “cool.” Because if you’re not being cool, man, you’re being uncool. Nobody likes it when you’re uncool. I think it would be cool to work at your coffee shop! Is there, like, a dress code or anything?
Overheard in Minnesota
by Steve, November 6th, 2008From my dear friend in Minneapolis:
I was just at this postage-stamp size Euro cafe La Belle Crepe drinking coffee while these two women ate their crepes. One mentioned how she had been at a bar and when the election results were announced, a lot of people just put their head in their hands. The other woman nodded. I thought to myself, What are you bitching about, you’re eating crepes.
Wassup 2008
by Steve, October 30th, 2008
(Here’s a version with the original Budweiser ad at the beginning. Useful triva: John McCain’s wife Cindy is Chair of Hensley & Co, one of the largest Budweiser distributors in the world.)
The vet who did not vet
by Steve, October 30th, 2008Lots more (not necessarily funny) on Andrew Sullivan’s blog at the Atlantic, where you can vote on your favorite. (My first runner up is “Whassup 2008″.)
Rudy Casoni belts one for the Republicans
by Steve, October 28th, 2008Fellow Iowa boy Toby Huss nails it:
(Toby and I were both theatre students at the University of Iowa back in the mid eighties. He’s obviously managed to do something with his larnin’. As if that weren’t a tenuous enough connection, he played Cotton Hill on King of the Hill, a character whose diction bears a startling resemblance to my grandmother-in-law.)
You can’t make this shit up
by Steve, October 17th, 2008Mr. McCain brought his campaign to Florida on Friday, a state that he must win but where he has been losing ground to Mr. Obama in recent polls. Campaigning with him was Senator Joseph I. Lieberman of Connecticut, who tried to appeal to Cuban-Americans in the audience by trying to say “Joe the Plumber” in Spanish.
From the New York Times.
The Great Schlep
by Steve, October 13th, 2008
Funny stuff from Sarah Silverman and The Great Schlep (definitely not appropriate for work).
Thank you, Paul Newman
by Steve, September 28th, 2008Paul Newman had some great scenes in his unbelievable 53-year cinematic career. Here’s one from Slap Shot (1977) with Strother Martin (in a twist on their roles in Cool Hand Luke). I love the way he acted with his eyes (Not safe for work!).
Besides being a great actor, Newman protested the war in Vietnam, was proud to be on Richard Nixon’s enemy list, and helped save The Nation when it faced economic troubles (here’s John Nichols on Newman in The Nation yesterday), among other things. And he did his own skating in Slap Shot. What more could you want from a guy?
Like Wacky Mommy said about him and Joanne Woodward, “It’s not like they were out taking off their panties in public and having nervous breakdowns in their SUVs.” No, Newman was a class act.
Thank you, Paul Newman for showing the world how to do it right. I’m going to go watch Slap Shot right now.
