When you’re in Portland, and you order a massage, you get a Licensed Massage Therapist who takes her profession seriously. I know, I know, in places like L.A., you get the buff and fluff with a “happy ending,” but that’s not how it works here.
In Portland, if you want a prostitute, you order a prostitute. Or just head out to 82nd. No need for euphemisms about “second chakras”; we’re kinda literal here. Just sayin’.