Many Thursday Thirteen regulars may have the impression of me that I’m just one of those Demon-cratic, Bush-hating Lie-berals, just waiting for my party to come back so we can push our agenda of gay marriage, gun control and high taxes. Well, it may come as a surprise, then, to discover that I can be as critical of the Democrats as I am of Republicans. So in the spirit of fairness, here are Thirteen Things the Democrats Should Remember (But Will Probably Forget):

1. It’s the economy, stupid. Thirty years of neoliberal rule has skewed the distribution of wealth dramatically to the richest 2% in this country. The middle class is shrinking, the working class is now the working poor, everybody’s in debt up to their eyeballs or beyond, and everybody’s working longer hours for less pay (when adjusted for inflation) than three decades ago. We’re at a point now, for the first time in American history, where we can’t realistically expect our children to be more prosperous than us. Raising the minimum wage is a nice gesture, but it doesn’t address the fundamentals of neoliberal fiscal policy championed by every president since Carter and “free trade” championed by every president since Bush I. Being in hock to China is more a threat to our fundamental security than “terrorists”.

2. We won’t solve our health care crisis without a single payer system. But don’t expect Democrats to push for single payer. It’s anathema to the insurance lobby. (Remember Hillary’s debacle? She took single payer off the table before she even got started.)

3. We can’t have a stable Middle East without a solution to the Palestinian crisis. Bush’s refusal to deal with the Palestinian Authority has been shameful, but can we expect the Democrats to defy the Israel lobby? History says “NO!”

4. War is not an energy policy. Don’t look now, but history tells us the Democrats were bombing the fuck out of Iraq before the Republican’s invaded (with the explicit support of the Democrats).

5. War is not an anti-terror strategy. See #4. Which Democrats opposed bombing Afghanistan? That’s right, none. And boy, that policy sure has helped reduce terrorism (not!). A country reduced to rubble. Osama bin Laden still at large. Mullah Omar still at large. The Taliban resurgent. Women still oppressed. Apostates sentenced to death. Hey, I’ve got an idea, why don’t we go bomb Somalia next?

6. There is no war on terror. Quit repeating Republican talking points and dumping money down the military-industrial rathole. Shine a light on the real security issue: the economy.

7. Ceding issues to the opposition is not a winning strategy in the long term. Sure, you took the house by running a bunch of conservatives in Democratic clothing. But when the party becomes (became?) nothing but a weak echo of the Republican party, or even the “true” conservative party (vs. the neoconservative Bush Republicans), where does that leave liberals and progressives? Isn’t this akin to destroying a village in order to save it?

8. Hillary can’t win the presidency. Neither can Obama. Get over it.

9. At some point, you won’t have George W. Bush handing you elections. You better come up with a winning strategy, and fast. See #7.

10. You voted for war in Iraq. You knew as well as me that the intelligence was bunk. You voted for it anyway. You can’t pretend now that you had nothing to do with that mess. Own it.

11. We won’t have real democracy until we take corporate money out of our elections. Put that in your K Street pipe and smoke it.

12. One midterm victory does not spell the end of the Rovian one-party state. Don’t think for a minute that the Karl Rove and his gang have given up on their vision of total control. Those traditionally Republican house seats you just won? They will just as likely tip back the other way in two years.

13. You can’t turn your back on progressives. Remember us? The ones who believe in health care as a right, living wages and civil rights? We’re not going away. In fact, the economic policy of the last three decades is swelling our ranks. Your shift to the center-right makes us more likely to vote for third-party spoilers. Don’t blame Ralph Nader when he’s the only one talking about the issues we care about. Look in the mirror. Steal his thunder and you’ll get our attention back.

It’s been a while since I’ve done a Thursday Thirteen list, and even longer since I’ve written about anything but hockey here. (And there’s been some damn good hockey so far this season!) But this being election season, I am bound to get into politics again sooner or later. So why not start with Thirteen Failures of Geo. W. Bush ?

1. Iraq. Wrong target, wrong reason, wrong plan. Now we find ourselves backing a Shi’a regime (which also enjoys the backing of our fundamentalist extremist friends in Iran). We are fully engaged in a civil war, with our troops used to prop up an Islamist regime with direct ties to unlawful militias and death squads. We’re on track to lose around 100 US service men and women this month. Nice. Way to support the troops. Thanks, George.

2. Afghanistan. We went in there to… get bin Laden? Bzzt! Failure. To defeat the Taliban? Bzzt! They’re coming back with a vengeance. Liberate women from the Burqa? Bzzt! Didn’t happen (To quote Arundhati Roy, “It’s being made out that the whole point of the war was to topple the Taliban regime and liberate Afghan women from their burqas, we are being asked to believe that the U.S. marines are actually on a feminist mission. If so, will their next stop be America’s military ally Saudi Arabia?”)

3. North Korea. This will probably go down in history as his greatest failure, even bigger than Iraq. Why? Because when Bush took office, the US had a working policy, the Agreed Framework, that had successfully contained North Korea’s nuclear ambitions. This Framewok had been in place since 1994, and under it North Korea had halted all nuclear development. Bush promptly discarded the Framework, and North Korea promptly went back to the nuclear drawing board and—surprise!—produced a nuke. And Bush has the chutzpah to suggest that dialog with North Korea had failed. Wrong George! Withdrawing from the Framework is what failed!

4. Israel and the occupied Palestinian territories. Another brilliant example of the complete lack of realpolitik in Bush’s foreign policy. In the Bush world view, we don’t talk to our enemies, and—surprise!—they don’t do what we want them to do. Because of the Bush policy of freezing out the relatively moderate Fatah government, Fatah became completely ineffective. And they were voted out in favor of the religious fundamentalist Hamas party. Had we worked with Fatah, this could have been avoided. Really.

5. Lebanon. Again, Bush’s failure to talk to non-allies (in this case Syria and Iran) and his green light to Israel led to the near destruction of Lebanon and it’s fragile coalition government. For all its talk of promoting democracy in the Middle East, the Bush administration has all but destroyed the only two democratically elected Arab governments in the region.

6. Iran. Another case where not talking to our enemies has emboldened them.

7. Privatizing Social Security. For this failure, I am glad. Bush’s only significant domestic policy push wildly misjudged the popularity of one of the last vestiges of New Deal Social Democracy in this country.

8. 9/11. First, in not taking the specific threat seriously. Second, for completely freezing in the face of the attack. Third, for running away like a scared child instead of going back to Washington to take charge.

9. The Patriot Act. His first giant swipe at the constitution. (This is more properly thought of as a Bush success that is a failure for democracy and human rights.)

10. The Military Commissions Act of 2006. This suspends the Writ of Habeas Corpus for anybody Bush arbitrarily determines to be an “enemy combatant”. One little problem: “The Privilege of the Writ of Habeas Corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in Cases of Rebellion or Invasion the public Safety may require it.” (US Constitution, Article 1, Section 9) I don’t see no Rebellion or Invasion here, so this law is clearly unconstitutional. This is Bush’s most flagrant power grab, and, again, a Bush success at the expense of liberty.

9. Enron, Halliburton and the culture of corporate corruption.

10. No Child Left Behind. Better to call it “No Child Left a Dime.”

11. The tumors on my dog’s ass. I don’t know how, but somehow Wacky Mommy thinks we should be able to blame Bush.

12. Global Warming. Bush refuses to submit the Kyoto protocols for ratification. The US stands alone with Australia in its refusal to ratify this treaty.

13. The loss of Congress in the ’06 mid-term elections. I’m calling this one in advance.

My favorite bumper sticker of late has a very simple, very encouraging message: “January 20, 2009”.

Hockey season is upon us: WHL started last week; NHL next week. Our home-town season opener is this Saturday, and we’ll be there with bells on. (Not literally; I really don’t like the cowbell thing at hockey games.) I’m back at the rink on a pretty regular basis, too. I’ve hit the ice twice already this week, and I also plan on skating Friday. Which brings us (with less ado than usual) to this week’s Thursday Thirteen: Thirteen Awesome Things About Playing Pickup Ice Hockey!

1. It’s an incredible cardio workout. It is a sprint sport. An hour of ice time gets your heart and lungs conditioned like nothing else I can think of. (Of course, there are some eggheads who want to rain on my parade, showing how it might be dangerous for your heart.)

2. It’s outrageous fun. I mean, even on a bad day, when I suck even more than usual, it’s more fun than just about anything I can think of. It must be the closest thing to flying, short of… well, flying.

3. There’s a certain primitive comraderie. It took me a while to get a feel for it, since there’s not a lot of chit chat. Just a lot of sweating and physical play. It feels kind of good to shove a guy out of the crease or battle for the puck in the corner. You’re all padded up, so it doesn’t hurt (much), and nobody takes it personally (usually). The guy who you just stole the puck from could be on your team next session (or next shift), so even while being fully competitive, everybody’s pretty mellow. There’s no checking unless you want to. Sometimes guys mistake me for someone who wants to, and I just retaliate by taking the puck from them.

4. In the time it takes to put on your shin guards and hockey socks, pull on your hockey pants, lace up your skates, strap on your elbow pads, put on the shoulder pads, wiggle into your jersey, don a helmet and gloves and brandish a big stick, you are transformed from working joe into gladiator. You are two or three inches taller, 35 pounds heavier and armed with a couple pounds of lumber. Anything that was weighing on your mind before you suited up is gone well before your blades touch the ice.

5. When your blades finally touch ice, you are liberated from friction. As you take your first strides across the ice sheet with the cool air on your face, you can feel the tension melt away.

6. The first 15 minutes or so of the session, you just skate around, warming up and working on edges. Or pass the puck with a buddy. Or shoot on the goalie or against the boards. Then the game is on. Sides are chosen based on who’s wearing what color. Typically, it’s something like white and red against blue, gray, black, yellow and green, or white and gray against black and red, but the guy in maroon is on the other side, or there’s two guys with aqua jerseys, and the guy with the white helmet is on our side and the other guy, he’s not playing, he’s just putting around. At any rate, we usually get a good 5-on-5 scrimmage going, and if we’re lucky we’ve got a couple subs per side and a couple goalies. It usually takes a few shifts to figure out who’s on which side, and even then I always end up making at least one or two solid tape-to-tape passes to a guy on the other side because I can’t keep all the colors straight. If we’re short, we’ll play 4-on-4, or 3-on-3 half ice. It’s like herding cats at first, but the anarchy always falls into a groove of some sort.

7. It’s a great equalizer. I skate with surgeons, house painters, software engineers, insurance salesmen, motorcycle mechanics, lawyers and rink rats. The age range is about 8-70 (literally). The doctors and lawyers have nicer sticks and skates, but they’re definitely not the best players. It’s those blue collar guys from Jersey and Quebec and Minnesota with the wood sticks and battered skates you’ve got to watch out for. And the longer I skate, the less often I’m the slowest guy out there. Nice.

8. No penalties. No shame. No icing. No goalies? No problem! Puck has to hit the pipes to score. But nobody keeps track of goals. No pressure.

9. If you’re in the lower 48, you gain entry into an exclusive club where everybody speaks the same language (that nobody outside the club speaks). Talk hockey to your heart’s content in the locker room, and nobody’s eyes glaze over, and nobody tries to talk about basketball. It’s a beautiful thing for a hockey fan to be among others who understand. (You Canadians probably don’t get this one, since you’re all in that club even if you don’t play. It’s a US thing.)

10. Water from a filthy porcelain water fountain never tasted so good.

11. When work is a drag, it’s gives you a reason to get out the door in the morning. Just a few hours at the job before it’s stick time!

12. It’s a healthy, constructive outlet for aggressive energy. Nothing like an hour of hard skating to dissipate some anger.

13. Fun + excercise = what’s the catch? It definitely doesn’t seem right that something this fun would be good for you. There’s got to be a catch… Oh yeah, it’s kind of expensive. $7.20 a session to skate, plus several hundred dollars worth of gear. But I think it’s worth it. Totally guilt free pleasure!

See you at the rink!

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these here Thursday Thirteen thingies. Actually, I’ve taken a couple weeks off blogging altogether due to real-life business and lack of inspiration. Then suddenly last week, I was hit with a burst of creative energy, and I threw together some new “More Hockey Less War” merchandise to try to support this blog (baby needs a new Web server!).

Last week, in honor of the 5th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I considered doing “Thirteen Ways George W. Bush Has Made the WorldLess Safe” (e.g. legitimized the use of terror and torture as geo-political tools, provoked the Muslim world with brutal invasions and occupations of holy lands, bumbled into Al Qaeda’s trap of a “clash of civilizations”, green-lighted Israel’s brutal rape of Gaza and Lebanon, etc.). But I never got around to it.

Oh yeah, and I was going to blog about our day last weekend at the Country Jamboree. “Last chance to cowboy up this summer!” said the promotional materials. We got free tickies courtesy of a local hockey team, so we put the kids in their cowboy boots and headed out to the ampitheater for some local band that wouldn’t stop. We were hoping to catch the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, but they weren’t scheduled to play for several hours after we showed up. And there was no monster truck, as we had been led to believe there would be. And the promised NASCAR racing turned out to be little radio controled cars. So the kids frolicked on the lawn, and the wife enjoyed the cover tunes, and we all ate a bunch of crappy concession food and went home with tummy aches well before the national acts came on.

And this has me thinking about all the Wacky (and Not-So-Wacky) Things I’ve Done in the Off-season. With summer pretty much washing down the storm drains in Portland, it seems like a good time for a summer retrospective, so here’s what I did:

1. Went to the Country Jamboree. What were we thinking?

2. Went to the stock car races.

3. Drank far too many Mojitos, which led to many unproductive afternoons, and ultimately prompted Wacky Mommy to quit drinking. I’ve basically quit, too. Turns out that dinner out is at least 10 bucks cheaper when we don’t order drinks.

4. Went to a couple few minor league baseball games.

5. Got really agitated and upset about the conflagrations in the Middle East.

6. Took a month off from playing hockey.

7. Bought Wacky Girl a new bike for her seventh birthday, and helped her figure out how to ride without training wheels. What a trip to see your first born take flight like that. She’s been looking so tall and grown-up lately, but on her bike, all padded up and with her big helmet on, she just looks tiny.

8. Grew a great garden, with tons of beans, tomatoes, cukes, spaghetti squash, potatoes, Hungarian wax peppers, and chilis. And basil. And pumpkins that took over the front yard.

9. Put in a winter garden of broccoli and kale. The new plants are really enjoying the recent turn of weather (rain) we’ve been having.

10. Went to the beach a few times. New approach this year: day trips! It’s only a couple hours to get to Canon Beach from here, and you can spend the whole day on the beach and come back and still have half your weekend to drink Mojitos in the back yard.

11. Went camping (but only once). More next year. Kids loved it.

12. Went to Winter Hawks training camp to check out some of the new kids and get an early hockey fix. They’ve got some great young talent, but a lack of returning offensive power. It’s going to be a tough year for the Hawks, but we’ll still get to see some first rate hockey in town this season (even if it’s the visiting team).

13. Got a cell phone. Me. With a cell phone. Sheesh.

Okay, summer’s over, schools back in session, and hockey season is so close I can hardly stand it. Drop the puck already!

Hey, you’re a human, right? And chances are, you live in a neighborhood. So here are Thirteen Ways to be a Good Human in Your Neighborhood.

1. Send your kids to the neighborhood pulic schools. Get involved with the parent/teacher organization. Start one if there isn’t one already. Give money to the school if you can afford to. If you would consider prvate school, instead consider donating a fraction of what you would pay for tuition directly to your children’s classrooms. Encourage your neighbors to join you in sendng their children there, too. You’ll be amazed how much a school can improve with parental involvement. Find out where your children’s classmates live. Organize a “walking schoolbus”.

2. Grow a garden. Share the bounty with your neighbors.

3. Get to know any old folks in the neighborhood. Check in on them once in a while, or at least say hi when you see them on the street. When the zucchinis start going wild, make them some zucchini bread and take it to them. Ask them about neigborhood history.

4. Learn all the kids’ names. Find out how old they are and where they go to school.

5. Use organic practices in your yard. Think of yourself as a steward of the land, not an owner. Care for it with the next residents in mind, be they human, animal or plant.

6. Compost. Make dirt. Recycle grass clippings and food scraps into rich, luscious soil to grow nutritious, environmentally beneficial food.

7. Have a block party. Or a progressive party. We keep talking about doing a progressive party on our block, but it we haven’t pulled it off yet.

8. Mend fences. Literally. We love our neighbors and the privacy fence between us.

9. Well, we don’t love all our neighbors. Like the ones on the other side. We wish they’d let their dog piss and poop in the yard instead of on the patio. Even if they can’t be persuaded to let the dog off the patio to do his business, maybe they could hose down the patio once in a while? So anyway, if you have pets, treat them well, and don’t let them be a nuisance to others.

10. If you have a conflict with a neighbor, try to be the bigger person about it. Don’t call the city on their ass, except as a last measure, and only if you’re sure the city will cite them. Call the city. A friendly public employee will tell you something like, “If there’s more than six piles of dog shit, we can write them up. Anything less, there’s nothing we can do.”

11. Don’t hold a grudge. Hose the damn patio down when they’re away. Use their hose and water. When the octegenarian granny who lives there asks what you’re doing, explain it to her. Take her some of that zucchini bread later.

12. Take walks around the block after dinner when the weather’s nice.

13. On May Day, make May Day baskets. Leave them on people’s porches, ring their bells, and run away. (I like May Day. It’s International Workers’ Day.)

Happy Thursday, one and all!

This one’s for all the mommy bloggers. Especially this one, who makes me feel like uber-dad. She’s used to tell me I should do a daddy blog, but somehow I got side-tracked into this wacky anti-war, pro-hockey etc. blog. Anyway here ya go, Wacky Mommy: Thirteen Ways to be a Better Dad (from the perspective of a working Dad of a 4 y.o. and a 7 y.o.).

1. Love the mother of your children. She needs it and deserves it.
2. Say goodbye to your children before you leave for work, even if they’re still asleep.
3. Take them to a river and let them throw rocks into it.
4. Teach your kids safe, creative ways to channel aggressive energy. Build a block village with them, let them play with it for a while, then tell them to destroy it.
5. Be firm and consistent, not angry and impatient.
6. Spend as much time with them as you possibly can, but…
7. Take some time for yourself once in a while.
8. Don’t sweat the difficult stages. Most don’t last more than 6 months.
9. Tell your children about your childhood fears. Tell them if you wet the bed, or were afraid of the dark, or feared tornadoes or nuclear war.
10. Sing them a funny naughty song or playground rhyme from when you were their age. (“There’s a place in France….”) Don’t overdo it. See #1.
11. Teach them that with good manners, they can charm the pants off grown-ups and get exactly what they want.
12. Turn off the TV.
13. Put them to bed every night. Read them two or three stories.

This week, I apologize for my sarcasm, which evidently doesn’t always translate well. Last week I snarked about the 13 things I would never blog about (or somebody should shoot me), and went on to list some pretty worthy blog topics that a lot of you in the TT community hold near and dear, including one person who is a very near and dear to me. She knows I mean no offense, but to show my contrition to the rest of you, I’m blogging about all those things I said I would never blog about last week. So here is my Thirteen Great Things to Blog About:

1. My Dog.This guy. He’s gettin’ old.
2. My Cat.She hates everybody except me and Wacky Mommy.
3. My Other Cat.The original Himself. Efficient hunter. Follows me into the bathroom and chirrups until I turn on the bathtub to dribble on his head.
4. My Health. I’m about 20 lbs. overweight, but in decent cardio shape. I’ll be in better shape when I go back to playing hockey three times a week in September.
5. My Sex Life. Sorry, my wife is censoring this one.
6. Cars. Um… I drive one. (Not sure where to go with this one.)
7. Television. It is a very bad influence on society. I don’t think children should be exposed to it. (I’m watching TV as I write this, so you understand I’m not really all that dogmatic about this.)
8. Pictures of My Children. Not going to do it. Sorry. I love the little nuggets, but I have privacy concerns.
9. Football. I grew up watching it. Isn’t that enough?
10. Basketball. I grew up watching NCAA but don’t care for the pro game.
11. Beer. Some beer tastes good. I prefer liquor.
12. Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan (I hope I spelled their names correctly). I gather they are teen show biz queens. Well cool. I hope they have talent and they make people happy and feel good about themselves just the way they are.
13. NASCAR. Look, I grew up in Iowa, and it was a regular feature of my youth to go to the Saturday night dirt track stock car races at the Muscatine County fair grounds in West Liberty. Ah, the smell of partially combusted gasoline, mixed with damp earth and oil, the roar of the engines and the smoke and moths under the lights and the wooden-spooned Frosty Malt from the concession stand under the grand stand. But NASCAR? Eh. Not so much. They’ve smoothed off all the rough edges and made it some kind of slick racing buildboards in a stadium thing.

So there: no war, no hockey and minimal snark-snark (I hope). Happy TT and Cheers to all.

Well Jumpin’ Jehosaphat, last week I irked some with my anti-Mel list, so this week I’m reverting to my usual sweet and mellow self and making it up to y’all with a two-fer. First, a list of 13 things I will never blog about (and if I do, somebody please shoot me):

1. My dog.
2. My cat.
3. My other cat.
4. Any health issues I may encounter.
5. My sex life.
6. Cars.
7. Television.
8. Pictures of my children.
9. Football.
10. Basketball.
11. Beer.
12. Britney Spears or Lindsey Lohan. I don’t even care if I spelled their names wrong.
13. NASCAR.

But wait! There’s more! You also get: 13 things I should blog about, but haven’t yet!

1. The election debacle in Mexico (I’m soliciting a guest author with better knowledge than I for this one).
2. Portland Public Schools politics. I could devote an entire blog to this.
3. Reviews of books I’m currently reading. Right now it’s Garbage Land: On the Secret Trail of Trash by Elizabeth Royte.
4. Indian software developers in the US, US software development offices in India, and the politics and economics of high tech immigration and offshoring.
5. My anti-libertarian manifesto, which has been stewing about in my brain for a while now.
6. My marinara recipe.
7. My guacamole recipe.
8. Places I’ve traveled.
9. A critique of the high tech work world and the nerds who inhabit it.
10. My previous life as a rock musician and the inadvertent comedy therein.
11. String theory and the higher dimensions it describes.
12. Evangelical Christianity’s eschatological view of the wars in the Middle East.
13. The narcissism inherent in blogging.

Happy TT everyone!

I am not known for my celebrity dish. I pretty much don’t give a rip about famous people. But since Mel “Watch me, I’m a train wreck” Gibson went and followed up his anti-semitic Passion play with a drunken Jew-hating tirade, I just can’t resist. After letting the Jewish community stew over the weekend on his non-apology, Mel’s publicist released a statement that owned up to the anti-semitism while maintaining that Mel is not really anti-semitic—maybe he just plays one in real life?—and asks the Jewish community to help him make it all better. That, my friends, is chutzpah!

The Jewish community was generally warm to the apology. But Monsters and Critics reports “Rabbi Marvin Hier, founder of the Simon Wiesenthal Center…cautioned in a statement that, like substance abuse and alcoholism, anti-Semitism ‘cannot be cured in one day and certainly not through a press release.'”

You could read Mel’s mealy-mouthed apology, or you could read my translation here (patience, TTers, by TT list follows):

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Wow, looks like Thursday Thirteen is the only thing getting me to blog this week. I am thoroughly, utterly depressed about the continuing carnage in Lebanon. The mainstream media can’t seem to draw the distinction between direct armed conflict between Hezbollah and the I.D.F. and the morally indefensible bombardment of civilians and infrastructure. It’s all “fighting”, as in “fighting continued today across Lebanon”. Bombing apartment buildings in South Beirut is not fighting, it is arguably an ongoing war crime. Likewise for lobbing rockets at Haifa.

And the U.S. position on this? We want a speedy resolution, just not yet. The Israeli strategy (backed up by expedited arms shipments and diplomatic foot-dragging by the U.S.) is to turn the Lebanese against Hezbollah. From the Washington Post:

According to retired Israeli army Col. Gal Luft, the goal of the campaign is to “create a rift between the Lebanese population and Hezbollah supporters.” The message to Lebanon’s elite, he said, is this: “If you want your air conditioning to work and if you want to be able to fly to Paris for shopping, you must pull your head out of the sand and take action toward shutting down Hezbollah-land.”

Zbignew Brezinski put it like this: “I hate to say this but I will say it. I think what the Israelis are doing today for example in Lebanon is in effect, in effect — maybe not in intent — the killing of hostages.” Juan Cole, as usual, has perhaps the most comprehensive analysis of the situation available on the Web.

But that’s not what I’m here to talk about. No! It’s time for another Thursday Thirteen, and, like last week, I’m doing a light-hearted one to contrast the deeply troubling times we are in the midst of. This week: Thirteen Things I’m Looking Forward To:

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