Bong Hits for Jesus

by Steve, December 1st, 2006

From the bust a gut at work department comes this news: The Supreme Court of the United States has agreed to step into a case involving a high school student who was suspended for holding a banner that read “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” as the Olympic torch passed. (The URL from CNN summarizes the humor nicely: “scotus.bonghits”.) Adding to the “nuh-uh!” factor, Ken Starr (yes, that Ken Star) is representing the school district pro bono.

Why is this particularly funny to Himself, you may ask? Well, for as long as I’ve known Wacky Mommy, we’ve sung this song, which I think she made up:

Bong hits for Jesus,
Bong hits for Jesus!
Load ’em up and suck ’em down,
The bong hits for Christ!

(Actually, I think I made up the last two lines.) My heathen dirt worshipin’ mother (who doesn’t do bong hits and can’t imagine why anybody would) thinks it’s just hilarious. The dog, well, he thinks it’s one of his songs and starts dancing around like he’s going to get a biscuit or something. It really doesn’t sound anything like the biscuit song (what does he know, he’s a dog), which goes like this:

Oh I’ve got a biscuit for doggy,
A crunchy little biscuit for dog (bark! bark!)
A yummy little biscuit for doggy,
The kind that he loves to scarf (bark! bark!)

If you sing this song, you better give him a biscuit. If you don’t, Wacky Mommy is likely to say something like “Aw, you made him get up. Now you have to give him a biscuit.”

The dog actually has a whole hit parade of them songs, ranging from “Doggy potato chips are the chippiest chips around!” (sung to the tune of the old Lay’s potato chip jingle) to “I got my dog right here, his name is Doggy Dear, and a man that says if the weather’s clear…” (sung to the tune of Fugue for the Tinhorns from Guys and Dolls). Then there’s the doggy participation number, “Where is Doggy”:

Where is Doggy?
Where is Doggy?
(Roooo roooo roooooo!
Roooo roooo roooooo!)
How are you today sir?
(Bow woo roo roo roo roo!)
Run and play,
Run and play!

I’m not sure which he likes better, this one or the biscuit song.

But my favorite will always be “Bong Hits for Jesus”.

I wonder if Ken Starr will be humming our tune on his way up the steps of the Supreme Court.

2 Responses to “Bong Hits for Jesus”

  1. Comment from Wacky Mommy:

    Dirty hippie! Thief! He stole my song! Yes, I wrote that myself. You like? (Yeah, the last two lines are yours. I am no thief.)

  2. Comment from Twice Baked:

    We’ve been doing “Bonghits for Jesus” for almost ten years now… check out a clip (song #7) at or the whole song is downloadable from itunes and most other popular music download sites.
    Looks like it’s time to do another Bonghit for Jesus!! Gottago!