Funny stuff on youtube.

Andy Borowitz makes the compelling (and amusing) case. Whether you agree or not, you’ve got to admit it takes deft skill to work Bush, Rumsfeld, Robert Gates, Roseanne, Scrappy Doo and Kareem Abdul Jabar into a blog entry.

Here’s a recent sample of search terms that bring people to my humble blog. I should note that for quite some time, MoreHockeyLesswar.org has been in the top 10 Google results for Cholle recipe. I get quite a few hits from India. I hope they like my recipe! A precursor to this blog, WackyMonkey.org , was the number one result for “weird monkey sex” for a really long time.

I’ve got to say, it always amazes me some of the things people will type into a search engine. I mean, Jesus H. Christ, what kind of meat head types “is it true that black people do not play hockey because of weak knees” into Google, and what the hell do they expect the computer to say back?

“I’m sorry Dave. You’re a fucking idiot, so I won’t be able to answer your questions today.” That’s what I’d say if I were their computer.

Anyway, what brings you here? Here’s my personal invitation for you to de-lurk and say hello. For your amusement, here are some searches over the last few days (and yes, people, I know I’m perpetuating this nonsense by reprinting these terms and further seeding the Google index):

• history of helmet use in u s. professional hockey?
• everett silvertips tickets wanted ads
• squatting laws in mexico guadalajara
• locker fights.com
• rough boys hockey fights
• you know ogie oglethorpe
• is it true that black people do not play hockey because of weak knees
• guy pulls worm out
• increasing junior a hockey game attendance
• www.morehockeylesswar.org
• pie hockey
• bong hits jesus song
• viktor sjodin movie
• marijuana penalties guadalajara mexico
• hockey is dying
• silvertips mascot portland
• i want to drive a zamboni
• ogie oglethorpe jersey
• feminist quotes
• cat fights.com
• how to make cholle
• children hockey accidents
• i want to drive the zamboni
• cholle cook
• more hockey less war
• silvertips
• dropping leaflets methods
• funny hockey expressions
• the rules the woman is always right
• bring back emotion in hockey
• network54 hockey forum
• easy garbonzo bean recipe
• more is less
• cum shot
• disney on ice half price
• swift hockey socks

Typical NBA punch. In hockey, your own team would beat you up for that.

— Two-time NBA MVP and proud Canadian Steve Nash describes his thoughts on Carmelo Anthony’s punch-and-run in the Knicks-Nuggets melee.

Here’s a funny take by Ivan Carter and Michael Lee.

The Winter Hawks held their annual Skills Challenge today at the Memorial Coliseum. We took the kids to see the light-hearted intra-squad competitions, including the hardest shot, most accurate shot, fastest lap, and the finale, a 10 minute, non-stop three-on-three game.

New York Rangers property (and former Winter Hawk star) Brandon Dubinsky was in town for a visit, and graced the crowd with a little on-ice interview with Scooter during a break.

No sooner did they get to talking, than Dubi was sucker punched with a cream pie from behind.

He was a good sport…

And even shared some with Scooter.

Aw, it barely even got on him!

Later, somebody handed a mike to Kurtis Mucha, asking him if he wanted to give Dubi any grief. He took the mike and asked, “Does that jacket come in men’s?”

…and a basketball game broke out!

But seriously folks, I’m not a fan of hockey fights. You won’t hear me defending it as part of the game (even though it is part of the game). But at least hockey players know how to square off, exchange blows, then head to the box. If you watch the basketball fight with the eye of a hockey fan, you’ll crack up. The NBA suspended 7 players a total of 47 games for the little dust up at Madison Square Garden the other night. There was maybe one decent punch landed. Mostly it was just shoving and running away. Seriously. These guys look like a bunch of pansies out there, afraid to really stand and deliver.

Last season, I took a friend to his first hockey game. When a fight broke out, he was first surprised that the officials let them fight. Then he was surprised that not only would they not get suspended or even ejected, but just sent to the box for five minutes. So I guess you could say there is an upside to having the fighting institutionalized. And, of course, when it does get out of hand, it’s pretty unlikely to spill into the crowd.

Personally, I never miss it when I see a hockey game with no fights (something that is increasingly common). But come on. If you’re gonna fight, at least do it right. Basketball? What a joke!

Edited 12/18/06 5:16 PM: For a more sober take on the Knicks/Nuggets “brawl”, read Dave Zirin at the Nation.com.

Of course, as soon as I post about “Bong Hits for Jesus”, I start getting hits from people searching Google for a bumper sticker. So I figure, what the hell, give the people what they want:

From the bust a gut at work department comes this news: The Supreme Court of the United States has agreed to step into a case involving a high school student who was suspended for holding a banner that read “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” as the Olympic torch passed. (The URL from CNN summarizes the humor nicely: “scotus.bonghits”.) Adding to the “nuh-uh!” factor, Ken Starr (yes, that Ken Star) is representing the school district pro bono.

Why is this particularly funny to Himself, you may ask? Well, for as long as I’ve known Wacky Mommy, we’ve sung this song, which I think she made up:

Bong hits for Jesus,
Bong hits for Jesus!
Load ’em up and suck ’em down,
The bong hits for Christ!

(Actually, I think I made up the last two lines.) My heathen dirt worshipin’ mother (who doesn’t do bong hits and can’t imagine why anybody would) thinks it’s just hilarious. The dog, well, he thinks it’s one of his songs and starts dancing around like he’s going to get a biscuit or something. It really doesn’t sound anything like the biscuit song (what does he know, he’s a dog), which goes like this:

Oh I’ve got a biscuit for doggy,
A crunchy little biscuit for dog (bark! bark!)
A yummy little biscuit for doggy,
The kind that he loves to scarf (bark! bark!)

If you sing this song, you better give him a biscuit. If you don’t, Wacky Mommy is likely to say something like “Aw, you made him get up. Now you have to give him a biscuit.”

The dog actually has a whole hit parade of them songs, ranging from “Doggy potato chips are the chippiest chips around!” (sung to the tune of the old Lay’s potato chip jingle) to “I got my dog right here, his name is Doggy Dear, and a man that says if the weather’s clear…” (sung to the tune of Fugue for the Tinhorns from Guys and Dolls). Then there’s the doggy participation number, “Where is Doggy”:

Where is Doggy?
Where is Doggy?
(Roooo roooo roooooo!
Roooo roooo roooooo!)
How are you today sir?
(Bow woo roo roo roo roo!)
Run and play,
Run and play!

I’m not sure which he likes better, this one or the biscuit song.

But my favorite will always be “Bong Hits for Jesus”.

I wonder if Ken Starr will be humming our tune on his way up the steps of the Supreme Court.

Yours truly is not the only one who is nuts for hockey and world peace. Durham, N.C. civil rights attorney and author Alex Charns has been making the news (at least in Edmonton) and raising some redneck hockey fan eyebrows with his game night protests in Raleigh.

Both the Edmonton Journal and Sun have run articles about him and his righteous antics during the Stanley Cup Final between the Edmonton Oilers and the Carolina Hurricanes.

Charns is the author of “How Hockey Saved the World* (and defeated George W. Bush, but not necessarily in that order)”.

Sing it loud, and sing it proud: More Hockey! Less War! More Hockey! Less War!

Thanks, Alex.

WackyMommy requests that I print my “Rules for ex-girlfriends” that I once sent to a good friend who was dating somebody, er, close to Wacky Mommy. It was written in an ironic tone, but Wacky Mommy and the person, er, close to her who was dating my friend both thought the rules were perfectly reasonable.

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