The Winter Hawks held their annual Skills Challenge today at the Memorial Coliseum. We took the kids to see the light-hearted intra-squad competitions, including the hardest shot, most accurate shot, fastest lap, and the finale, a 10 minute, non-stop three-on-three game.

New York Rangers property (and former Winter Hawk star) Brandon Dubinsky was in town for a visit, and graced the crowd with a little on-ice interview with Scooter during a break.

No sooner did they get to talking, than Dubi was sucker punched with a cream pie from behind.

He was a good sport…

And even shared some with Scooter.

Aw, it barely even got on him!

Later, somebody handed a mike to Kurtis Mucha, asking him if he wanted to give Dubi any grief. He took the mike and asked, “Does that jacket come in men’s?”

Share This

…and a basketball game broke out!

But seriously folks, I’m not a fan of hockey fights. You won’t hear me defending it as part of the game (even though it is part of the game). But at least hockey players know how to square off, exchange blows, then head to the box. If you watch the basketball fight with the eye of a hockey fan, you’ll crack up. The NBA suspended 7 players a total of 47 games for the little dust up at Madison Square Garden the other night. There was maybe one decent punch landed. Mostly it was just shoving and running away. Seriously. These guys look like a bunch of pansies out there, afraid to really stand and deliver.

Last season, I took a friend to his first hockey game. When a fight broke out, he was first surprised that the officials let them fight. Then he was surprised that not only would they not get suspended or even ejected, but just sent to the box for five minutes. So I guess you could say there is an upside to having the fighting institutionalized. And, of course, when it does get out of hand, it’s pretty unlikely to spill into the crowd.

Personally, I never miss it when I see a hockey game with no fights (something that is increasingly common). But come on. If you’re gonna fight, at least do it right. Basketball? What a joke!

Edited 12/18/06 5:16 PM: For a more sober take on the Knicks/Nuggets “brawl”, read Dave Zirin at the Nation.com.

Share This

Of course, as soon as I post about “Bong Hits for Jesus”, I start getting hits from people searching Google for a bumper sticker. So I figure, what the hell, give the people what they want:

Share This

From the bust a gut at work department comes this news: The Supreme Court of the United States has agreed to step into a case involving a high school student who was suspended for holding a banner that read “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” as the Olympic torch passed. (The URL from CNN summarizes the humor nicely: “scotus.bonghits”.) Adding to the “nuh-uh!” factor, Ken Starr (yes, that Ken Star) is representing the school district pro bono.

Why is this particularly funny to Himself, you may ask? Well, for as long as I’ve known Wacky Mommy, we’ve sung this song, which I think she made up:

Bong hits for Jesus,
Bong hits for Jesus!
Load ‘em up and suck ‘em down,
The bong hits for Christ!

(Actually, I think I made up the last two lines.) My heathen dirt worshipin’ mother (who doesn’t do bong hits and can’t imagine why anybody would) thinks it’s just hilarious. The dog, well, he thinks it’s one of his songs and starts dancing around like he’s going to get a biscuit or something. It really doesn’t sound anything like the biscuit song (what does he know, he’s a dog), which goes like this:

Oh I’ve got a biscuit for doggy,
A crunchy little biscuit for dog (bark! bark!)
A yummy little biscuit for doggy,
The kind that he loves to scarf (bark! bark!)

If you sing this song, you better give him a biscuit. If you don’t, Wacky Mommy is likely to say something like “Aw, you made him get up. Now you have to give him a biscuit.”

The dog actually has a whole hit parade of them songs, ranging from “Doggy potato chips are the chippiest chips around!” (sung to the tune of the old Lay’s potato chip jingle) to “I got my dog right here, his name is Doggy Dear, and a man that says if the weather’s clear…” (sung to the tune of Fugue for the Tinhorns from Guys and Dolls). Then there’s the doggy participation number, “Where is Doggy”:

Where is Doggy?
Where is Doggy?
(Roooo roooo roooooo!
Roooo roooo roooooo!)
How are you today sir?
(Bow woo roo roo roo roo!)
Run and play,
Run and play!

I’m not sure which he likes better, this one or the biscuit song.

But my favorite will always be “Bong Hits for Jesus”.

I wonder if Ken Starr will be humming our tune on his way up the steps of the Supreme Court.

Share This

Yours truly is not the only one who is nuts for hockey and world peace. Durham, N.C. civil rights attorney and author Alex Charns has been making the news (at least in Edmonton) and raising some redneck hockey fan eyebrows with his game night protests in Raleigh.

Both the Edmonton Journal and Sun have run articles about him and his righteous antics during the Stanley Cup Final between the Edmonton Oilers and the Carolina Hurricanes.

Charns is the author of “How Hockey Saved the World* (and defeated George W. Bush, but not necessarily in that order)”.

Sing it loud, and sing it proud: More Hockey! Less War! More Hockey! Less War!

Thanks, Alex.

Share This

WackyMommy requests that I print my “Rules for ex-girlfriends” that I once sent to a good friend who was dating somebody, er, close to Wacky Mommy. It was written in an ironic tone, but Wacky Mommy and the person, er, close to her who was dating my friend both thought the rules were perfectly reasonable.

Read the rest of this entry »

Share This

No, seriously, if you take the view (as I do) that everything in life is metaphor, you can learn valuable life lessons in anything you do.

For instance, in a previous avocation as a musician, I played bass. In hockey, I play defense. (I’ve come to realize that I spent the first half of my adult life living “This is Spinal Tap.” Now as I enter the middle of life I’m living “Slap Shot.” In the words of Reggie Dunlop, “Fuck ‘em.”)

If you’re not familiar with music and hockey, here are the similarities between bass players and defensemen:

Read the rest of this entry »

Share This

If you haven’t already seen this, you must see The Brick Testament.

Share This

“To the vice president’s credit, he did own up to it. On FOX News he said the fault was his, he can’t blame anybody else. Boy, it’s amazing, the only time you get accountability out of this administration is when they are actually holding a smoking gun.” —Bill Maher

“Rumors are that the reason Dick Cheney didn’t say anything about the hunting accident for about 24 hours was because he had been drinking. And I’m thinking, well jeez, he was probably drinking when we planned the invasion of Iraq.” —David Letterman

“Cheney now says he can’t blame the shooting on the guy who got shot. He said we tried that for three days. It didn’t work.” —Jay Leno

“They were in a car, they drive along, they get out of the car, he shoots his friend in the face, then they get back in the car and they go hide for 18 hours. That’s not hunting…that’s an episode of ‘The Sopranos’” —Jay Leno

There’s oh so much more at about.com.

Share This

(found on flickr)

Share This