by Steve, May 10th, 2006

What? Himself dishing? Sure, what the hell.

Our neighbors really like to think of themselves as environmentalists. When it came time to buy a new vehicle, they were really conflicted because there aren’t any hybrid mini-vans out there. So they got a mini-mini-van, the Mazda 5 (or is it 6?). It’s a cool vehicle, really. I think it’s the smallest car you can get with three rows of seating (seats 6). But (now get this) they got it in a 5-speed because “mileage is really important to us.” Uh. Okay. So I’m thinking, with modern technology, a 5-speed automatic is proably just about as efficient as a 5-speed manual. Sure enough, the EPA ratings are 1 MPG less for the auto. And if the environment is that important to them, why are they buying a vehicle that seats 6 for their family of 3?

Then there’s the uber-nerd at work who drives a Prius. Also a cool car, but shit, I think a 1979 Volkswagen Diesel Jetta gets just as good mileage. The mileage just isn’t that good. And what the hell is with such a high-tech toy car having—get this—a cassette deck? Maybe some of these guys are still listening to their Kraftwerk on cassette (so they don’t wear out the grooves on their virgin vinyl copy).

So anyway, I’m thinking, there are all these enviro-dorks out there who can afford to buy the appearance of environmental consciousness. But when push comes to shove, I wonder if their really willing to make sacrifices for the planet. Let’s just look at diet, for example. How many enviro-yuppies do you know that are vegan or vegetarian? Interesting factoid: If you trade your American car in for a Prius, you can cut back on 1 ton of carbon-dioxide emmissions annually. If you switch from an animal-based to a purely plant-based diet, you can cut back on 1.5 tons annually.

And are they buying organic food? Are they buying it in bulk? Are they growing their own food? What are they using to clean their houses? Are they driving when they could be walking, riding a bike or taking public transit? Are they procreating? I mean honestly, if humans are the problem on the planet, is it environmentally responsible to create more?

Okay, enough already. I’ve procreated twice and I drive alone to work and back every day. But my 1990 Subaru gets pretty good mileage.

One Response to “Enviro-dorks”

  1. Comment from Wacky Mommy:

    Yeah fuck ’em!